The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
