don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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