I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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