Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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