My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
