Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
