Tell her she can't have a vagina
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
