The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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