i jhust puked up my retainher.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
