I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
