Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
