So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
