3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
