i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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