I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
