Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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