Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
