so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
