I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
