i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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