yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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