His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
