So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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