Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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