sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
