you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
