I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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