Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
