is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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