so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
