When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
