A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
this hospital has no fireball
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
