My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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