need another drink. this is the easiest way
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
