so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
