If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
