I am puke
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
