I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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