I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
