her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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