One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
