I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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