He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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