How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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