There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize