I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
