Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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