guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
