WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
