I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
