1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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