I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
