This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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