Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize