there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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