Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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