Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
