you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
