He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Holy sore nipples Batman
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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