He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
