also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
