end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
