sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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