So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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