There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
