oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
