he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize