no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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