The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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