you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize