From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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