Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's always time for handjobs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
