How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
