Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
