Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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