I'm lost and stupid without you.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
