Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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