dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
