The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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