she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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