Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
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