the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
