I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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