so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
