Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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