I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
