The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
