I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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