I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
