We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
