with your own penis?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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