i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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