i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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