Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She bit a glass in half.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
