wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
