He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
