"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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