I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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