Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
