I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
