i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
