That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize