You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
