For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
