Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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