Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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